“Doing my part”
At 3am on a Wednesday morning in November, I was awakened by the piercing ring of daddy’s help bell. Running down the multi-colored carpeted stairs I met my mother. Hesitant and tired, we both stood at his doorway. “Come on, come on, god damn it,” he mumbled. Caught in his glance my mother whispers to me “he is all yours tonight.” As I reluctantly walked into his hospital set up room, memories of the way that things used to be flooded my mind. I remember when daddy was not sick and he used to take care of me and whisper his “secret of life” in my ear.
Being the third oldest girl of the family I got the complete daddy’s girl royal treatment from the extra money and snacks to the extended curfew. This special treatment drew me closer to my dad. I thought highly of this six- foot- four- inch slenderly built man. He set nothing less than good examples for me and the rest of my siblings.
Being the proud father of six children he was always talking highly, and praising us. As his baby girls grew older and came into young adult-hood situations in the family arose that changed his opinion. My oldest sister, Khalaysiah, was sixteen when she moved out because my dad was very strong willed and old fashioned and disapproved of her lifestyle. My second oldest sister, Shavannah, ended up moving into a teen pregnancy program because she got pregnant at fourteen years old and daddy had no patience for irresponsibility. By my teen years daddy could not let go because he had lost his two older girls and could not bear the thought of losing me. Of course, in the mind of a teenager I had to rebel and when I did the disappointment set in. Never before in the thirteen years of my life had my father raised his voice at me but for the first time his heavy Jamaican accent was heard loudly and clearly. In a strange way, this made us closer than ever before because it was at that moment I knew that he cared about me. He didn’t kick me out of the house or put me in a program. He yelled at me from his heart because he cared about me and what happened to me.
Smelling that he had soiled himself brought me back to the present and I asked “what hurts”? Signing to me, he replied “everything.” Thinking to myself that meant “the full cocktail”: 25 mg sleep aide, 80mg pain medication, and 20mg of fluids. While biting open a new syringe packet to put his meds in his I.V. I asked “are you hungry?” Mmmhuhh (nodding yes) OK two Ensures coming right up. Crack, pssssssst one Ensure open and into the feeding tube. Crack, psssssssst the second Ensure in to his feeding tube. “Vanilla, your favorite”.
Now 3:45 am he needs to be changed. 1, 2, 3, up and he sits up and I put the gate belt on him and put his bed rails down and slide him into his wheelchair.
“Mom, can you get me new bed sheets?” Ugh! Struggling to get the bed sheets on the bed. OK. all set giving him a sponge bath and putting on fresh clothes.
4: 15 am “all set dad” “mmmm” he groans. “OK then” and as I went to walk away and he grabbed my arm. Looking at him I saw the tears in his eyes.
“Dad, what’s wrong?” Grabbing his pen and pad he writes thank you “Your welcome. Dad.” He writes no, you don’t see all you do for me. I am really grateful to you.
“Dad, I am just doing my part because I know if it were me you would do the same for me.” I LOVE YOU DAUGHTER “I LOVE YOU TOO DADDY.” Leaning in to give him a hug I hear his heart beat I put my hand on his heart and place his hand on my heart and I look into his eyes and say “two hearts, one beat.” He closed his eyes and nodded yes.
This moment I will never forget because it changed the way I felt about my dad and myself, and it also changed my perspective on life. Seeing my dad struggle the way he did just proved to me how much of a great person he was. Despite all the pain he was in he always had a smile on his face and made the best of the day he was given.
That one moment that he said those four words to me “I love you daughter” was like the world had stopped, because up to that point I had taken those words for granted. It was also in that moment that I felt the love he had for me and he felt the love I had for him.
My dad passed on about two weeks later though we all knew it was coming. The passing of my father led me to believe that I was going to succeed in life. Whenever I am faced with obstacles, I just place my hand on my heart, feel his presence and know that he is with me.
Dukroa Owens
Deaconess (French ST.)
ReplyDeleteMealtime at French ST. is very structured, for example
1. the young ladies at French ST. settle down for a moment of silence before eating any meal
2. the girls only get two condiments per meal
3. if the condiment passes you and you do not use it the condiment will not come back around
4. in order to receive a condiment or drink etc. you must say “can you continue the blank “and it will be passed to you
5. the girls have a structured time to complete their meal approximately (30min)
6. after the meal is done all girls pass their plates, utensils and condiments to a designated end of the table
7. after this is done a staff will pick a couple of people to help clean up and put everything away
8. while this is going on the remaining girls will begin their ten minutes of silence
9. if a girl is caught talking or fooling around during ten minutes they will be sat or timed out in a designated chair for (30min)
10. after ten minutes is up a staff will ask who needs the bathroom those who need the bathroom will raise their hand and be chosen two at a time to use the bathroom they are assigned to
11. the remaining girls will quietly line up and wait to be taken upstairs for the next activity
Deaconess (High ST.)
Mealtime at High ST. is structured but a little less than French ST.for example
1. the young ladies of High ST . settle down for a moment of silence before eating any meal
2. the girls in this building eat everything except for fruit in serving sizes (1/2,1/3,1/4cup )
3. the girls are allowed two condiments per meal and two tablespoons of dressing per salad (salad is offered with lunch &dinner)
4. to get something across the table you must say “person’s name cane you pass the blank”
5. before you eat you must have a napkin on your lap
6. everyone must be done eating and drinking in order for the girls to clear
7. the girls check their chores and complete them before moving on to the next activity
Deaconess (Prospect ST.)
Mealtime at Prospect ST. is semi-structured for example
1. there is no moment you just wait until everyone is seated and served to eat
2. there is no serving sizes ( the girls just cannot take excessive amounts of food )
3. there is no set number of condiments per meal and salad dressing is also not measured
4. the girls do not need to have a napkin on your lap to eat just by your plate if you need It
5. if a girl or two came to a meal late and everyone else is done eating the girls may clear their spaces
6. the girls call chores instead of them being assigned to them by staff
Deaconess (Linden ST.)
Mealtime at Linden ST. is structured very little
1. there is no moment unless the girls want to do one
2. there is no serving sizes the girls just can not be excessive with the portions
3. there is no set number of condiments or amount of salad dressing that can be used
4. the girls do not need to have a napkin on their lap in order to eat
5. the girls can eat meals alone if they so choose they do not have to wait for anyone else
6. the girls can also clear when their housemates are still eating
7. the girls call their chores sometimes or sometimes they will just clean where they were and wash their dishes separately
These are some of the different aspects of mealtime at all of the different houses in the Deaconess program.
These rules and amount of structure differ from house to house depending on the needs of the girls in the house at that time.
No matter what house the girls live in the one goal that goes across the board is to teach the girls that they are a community and to teach them how to work together
the above comment is my ethnography because that is the only way i could figure out how to do it have any advice please comeent me thanks
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